The Other Shoe

I feel like I spent much of my life waiting for the other shoe to drop. A sign of a storm. An unforeseen danger. This is especially true when the circumstance is becoming too peaceful or too quiet. It is not so much that I believe that being happy is somehow an omen for a major calamity, but more like that I do not want to get caught off guard.

I always have this anxiety even when I was a student, but I feel like the feeling is even more pronounce as I become a working adult(?). When you are at school, there is kind of an assurance of a safety net or a stable structure, a clear road that you can follow without any worry. However, as an adult, it feels like there is no clear line and the entire world is opened up to you all of a sudden. It is one part liberating but also scary. Not teachers or parents telling you what you should do, but it also means being paralyzed on what you should do.

This feeling is even more amplified now that I am aware how chaotic the working world can be. Trends rise and fall. Companies that seem like that they are doing okay can go bankrupt all of a sudden. I have not even mentioned the presence of AI and it can change the employment landscape.

The sucky thing about it is that no amount of being wary can really prepare you when disasters do strike. That's the thing about chaos, it always hits you in ways that you do not expect. Biologically speaking, anxiety is an instinct installed within us so that we can be wary of potential dangers. However, when the dangers themselves can manifest in various ways that you might not expect even when you have your guard up, I feel like this is probably one of the most useless instincts to have.

I do not often envy of my younger self, but I do envy his optimism and open-mindedness. Anxiety which has grown within me due to various terrible circumstances just really made my day-to-day life worse. This instinct, as mentioned above, is not even that useful when something tragic happens.

Even so, I continue to walk forward. Because in the end, when we are plagued by voices in our head telling us that the other shoe will drop, the best thing we can do is just to walk forward and hope that they are not validated.